so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
