I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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