I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
