Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
