could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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