I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
