Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
