Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
