I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
