You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
