my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
