i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
