Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
