Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
