Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
