You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
