Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
