He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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