You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
