He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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