I heard we made out
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
