Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
