So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
