Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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