The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
