i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
