i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You are the jesus of drinking
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
