who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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