FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
