i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
