Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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