He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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