called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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