My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
