Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
