Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
