I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize