just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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