Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
