I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize