If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
