when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
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