Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
