I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
