I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
