I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
