i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
