I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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