i just wanna soil my oats bro
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
as a side note pls kill me
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
