Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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