I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
