Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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