It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
