Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
