Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The power of my boobs compel you
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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