Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
