i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
