The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
There's even glitter on my cock...
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