I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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