i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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