I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
