i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
