Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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