Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
