Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
