alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
