My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
