Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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