I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
