Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
