I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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