Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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