Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
