There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
