Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Boobs are out for the taking
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
