Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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