you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
