we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
