he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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