Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
