You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
