Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
