Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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