He disabled his match.com account in front of me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
