He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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