Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
