the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize