I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
