Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
