Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Randomize
