The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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