My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
