Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
