Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
