3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
