Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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