here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
