it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
